Each session ends with setting the next appointment and a blessing. Instead of being seated, this time, my spiritual director and I were standing. He raised his hand to pray over me and said these words, "Please bless your daughter, with whom you are madly, deeply in love with." I flinched at those words. Excuse me, what did you say?
With whom you are madly, deeply in love with. Someone is in love with me?! Not just someone, THE One is in love with me. What does that even mean? How can that even be true? Why had I not thought about that before?
I'm no different than any other girl, fantasizing about falling in love, desiring to be in love, hoping to fall in love. I have never been in love. I have seen it happen to my friends. I have witnessed it in my family. I've read about it in books and in movies, but never have I been in romantic love with anyone. Infatuation? Of course. Lust? Yes. Love? Nope. I've recently been talking to God about it and asking "When is it my turn?". I read a really interesting love story and kept saying to myself and to God, "See that? That's what I want."
I never stopped to realize that someone was already in love with me. As I left my spiritual director's office, I just kept saying that phrase over and over in my head. But you know what else happened? I stood up a little straighter. I held my head a little higher. I had a little more patience. I felt braver, confident. I had a lot more laughter. I was straight up, happier. Think about it, what does it mean for someone to be madly in love with you? It doesn't just affect you, but everyone around you. It affects how you look at the world, how you look at the person in front of you. It affects the way you act, how you carry yourself, how you think. Someone thinks that you are worth of being in love with. Someone thinks you are awesome. Something thinks the world of you. It touches us on so many levels. The craziest part is that He loves me even though He knows what a complete mess I really am. I can hide nothing from Him because He already knows everything. And yet, I'm the one who runs away, dodges, ignores His love....His perfect, infinite love. It's....I mean.....really, there are no words. I can't even begin to wrap my head around it.
The only way I can begin to understand this is through my niece, the love of my life. I am 100% head over heels in love with this beautiful, amazing, sweet girl. The love I feel for her is never ending...it's constantly growing. It's the jump right out of your chest, completely intoxicating love. I would die for her, I would kill for her, I would move mountains for her. I know that in my human state, I couldn't move mountains, but you will never see another human try harder than me to achieve this for her. Now, if I'm talking like this about a 7 year old....how does that translate into God being in love with me. See! You can't help me become overwhelmed. Shy, but ecstatic all at the same time. Humbled, but wanting to do nothing but shout it from the roof tops! It's really incredible.
I ask for love all the time. I look for love...all the time. I want to be loved....always. How did I not understand that He's been madly, deeply in love with me this whole time? I'm glad He's perfect.......and patient.
Romans 8: 38-39
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, not present things, nor future things, nor peers, not height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
